Showing posts from 2011

On Friendship

It's that time of year again. The time for my newsfeed to be inundated with pictures and statuses about one of the guys who raped me.

When you get into a relationship, friends will often say "If he hurts you, I'll kill him" or something similar. Now I'll generally tell them that it's not their place, but I appreciate the fierce moment of loyalty.

Generally, it's been true. Guys who've hurt me, cheated on me, broken my heart, have been a subject of some ridicule on the part of my friends. And I'll usually tell them that it's okay, that they don't know everything that went down. That I appreciate and love their loyalty, but it's not the time.

Then I tell them that someone raped me. Someone they know and are friends with committed an act of sexual violence towards me, took something from me that I had to fight against myself to get back, hurt me in ways that can never really be healed. And these people who said "If he hurts you, …

The Chicago SlutWalk

Rather than copy the entirety of the post over here, I'd like to share a passage or two and leave you with a link.

We teach our girls how not to get raped.  That's where our focus is.  Universities hand out guides to college life telling female students not accept strange beverages from strangers, to travel in packs, to avoid binge drinking, to dress conservatively.  We teach them that the weight of not getting raped is on them.
We don't put that sort of energy into teaching anybody not to rape people.
I can also promise you this, both of the men who assaulted me genuinely don't believe they did anything wrong.  The fact that they wanted to have sex with me was just more important to them than any opinion I might have had in the matter.

Becoming SuperMommy: "It Wasn't My Fault"

Making Mistakes.

I've been long-distance "seeing" a new guy for a few months. One who I met years ago, but have recently developed a thing with. Today, I discussed with him mistakes that I've made in the past.

Everyone makes mistakes. It's human nature. And inevitably, the worst mistakes we make are the ones we make when we're the most vulnerable. This is particularly harsh, because we tend to swing towards one extreme or the other and blame ourselves entirely or shirk all blame.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the mistakes I've made over the years. Accepting my part of the blame, and forgiving myself for it. In most cases I was at best very unhappy with my situation, and at worst very vulnerable and at some points a little insane.

I've always been really good at making bad decisions. I've spent a lot of my life in a subtle self-destructive mindset. I don't know if I'm trying to punish myself or escape from myself, but it doesn't much matte…

Actions and Reactions

Senator Emmett Hanger (R-VA) is introducing legislation that would fund research into the effects of castration on sex offenders.  We spend a lot of money keeping sex offenders from becoming recidivists, and it would be a hell of a lot cheaper to just snip snip and hey!  No more raping for YOU!

Now, I have definitely thought about this.  I have definitely thought about how this might SOLVE a problem.  I've also decided that it is absolutely a bad idea.

As anyone who has a dog who's been fixed knows, this doesn't stop behavior.  Or desire.  I can't tell you how many thousands of hours my old family dog spent humping his own very special pillow.

So how WOULD it effect the behavior of violet sex offenders to suddenly have no sexual outlet?

I'm no psychiatrist, but I have a lot of experience watching what happens when you tell somebody they can't do something they want to do.  It gets worse.

I have horrific visions of a future where sex offenders are turned into ho…